William Shakespeare - playwright, actor and all round good guy was also the master of the insult. Now you can insult your loved ones Shakespearean style... and get away with it. Just add the disclaimer of "Shakespeare wrote..." or "According to Shakespeare..." and you can disguise your insult as an insightful comment from the Bard himself. Elevate your social standing from a mean, social parasite to a distinguished literary commentator in one fell swoop. Here are a few to get you through most social engagements:
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| The Globe Theatre, London |
For that special wedding or anniversary:
"Wedded be thou to the hags of hell."
For your wife's birthday:
"She speaks yet she says nothing."
Some new catchy logos for your local weight watchers group:
"Mountain of mad flesh."
"Thou crusty batch of nature."
"Lump of foul deformity."
For that under performing, under showered, gaming addicted teenager...
"Thou smell of mountain goat."
"Come you are a tedious fool."
"I am sick when I do look on thee."
Some useful comebacks to unwanted and over persistent tele marketers:
"More of your conversation would infect my brain."
"I desire that we be better strangers."
For inclusion in friendly letters and conversation to politicians,
"detested parasites."
"Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle."
For rallying your local football team:
"Sweep on, you fat and greasy citizens."
For that special birthday thought:
"There is not so ugly a fiend of hell as thou shalt be."
For general, all purpose greeting cards:
"As dull as night."
"Not so much brain as ear wax."
"I am sick when I do look on thee."
"Cream faced loon."
Useful lines for travelling on the London Underground or crowded buses:
"Pray you, stand further from me."
"Out of my sight thou dost infect my eyes."
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| Globe Theatre, Southwark |
If you are on the south bank of the River Thames you can explore the area around the Globe Theatre - Will's old stomping ground - with my self guided tour app. See
www.obelisktours.com
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